Everyone likes a kitten

Everyone likes kittens. Some people like kittens more than others, but everyone likes kittens. Well, that might not be true, I guess. I mean, there are people out there with kitten allergies, so I guess they don't like kittens. But they can still appreciate pictures of the things, can't they? And everyone can enjoy that.

Come to think of it, if I had witnessed my sister being taken away by a giant radioactive kitten, maybe the sight of a normal kitten would prompt feelings of fear and sadness, like a Pavlov Dog. But dog's aren't afraid of kittens, are they? I'm not sure where I was going with that. Bear with me.

Bears? They're not cute at all. Sorry, I've lost my thread here. We're veering off the path, aren't we? Don't worry, I'll bring us out of the woods soon.

Oh yes, kittens. Everyone likes them, except for bears and radioactive Pavlov dogs. And people with nut allergies. But everyone else loves looking at pictures of kittens, I'm sure. That's where I was going with this. Look! We're out of the woods and back on track now!

I found some kittens. Well, not real kittens, just a picture of some. If I had have found some real kittens, I'd have taken them to the nearest animal welfare shelter and hand them in. I once knew a guy who drowned some kittens by accident. True story. He was in the mafia and had to do two jobs one afternoon. He knew he'd made a mistake when he presented his boss's daughter with a dead body in a sack. "Wait, if the dead body is here, then what did I just throw in the river?" he said.

He's no longer with us.

But anyway, kittens are everywhere on the Internet, and I found some pictures of some cute ones here, at this excellent website. I can't believe how cute they are. I hope they're not the ones that Derek drowned by accident. That would be sad.

Actually, that would be really sad.

I'm really sad now.

I'm sorry, I have to go. I can't take it.

You Fail

Look. You haven't really got the point of the Imaginary Review, have you?

The Imaginary Reviewer writes reviews of things that don't exist. There's no point clicking on the links he posts to websites he's reviewing, because they're not real.

You don't work for Now Toronto Magazine, do you?